New Element Discovery: Administratium

MAJOR RESEARCH FACILITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT
 
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major research facility.  The element, 
tentatively named Administratium, has no protons, no electrons, 
and thus has an atomic number of zero.  However, it does have 1 
neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 
assistant vice neutrons.  This gives it an atomic mass of 312.  
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves
the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.  However, it 
can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes 
in contact with.  Administratium caused one reaction to take over 
four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less 
than one second.

Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years,
at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a 
reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and 
assistant vice neutrons exchange places.  Some studies have shown 
that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Adminstratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere.  It  tends to concentrate at certain 
points such as government agencies, large corporations, and 
universities.  It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed
and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Administratium is known to be toxic at any
level of concentration and can easily destroy any productive 
reaction where it is allowed to accumulate.  Attempts are being 
made to determine how Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but results to date are not promising.