__________________________________________
                               |THE DEAN                                |
                               |Leaps tall buildings in a single bound  |
                               |Is more powerful than a locomotive      |
                               |Is faster than a speeding bullet        |
                               |Walks on water                          |
                             / |Gives policy to God                     |
                            /  ------------------------------------------
                           /
_________________________________________
|THE DEPARTMENT HEAD                    |
|Leaps short building in a single bound |
|Is more powerful than a switch engine  |
|Is just as fast as a speeding bullet   |
|Talks with God                         |
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                |
                |
                |
________________________________________________________________
|PROFESSOR                                                      |
|Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds |
|Is almost as powerful as a switch engine                       |
|Is faster than a speeding BB                                   |
|Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool                      |
|Talks with God if a special request is honored                 |
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                                        \
                                         \
                                          \
                                        _____________________________________
                                        |ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR                |
                                        |Barely clears a Quonset Hut        |
                                        |Loses tug of war with a locomotive |
                                        |Can fire a speeding bullet         |
                                        |Swims well                         |
                                        |Is occasionally addressed by God   |
                                        -------------------------------------
                                                        /
                                                       /
                                                      /
        __________________________________________________________________
        |ASSISTANT PROFFESSOR                                             |
        |Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings |
        |Is run over by locomotives                                       |
        |Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury        |
        |Treads water                                                     |
        |Talks to animals                                                 |
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       /
      /
     /
___________________________
|INSTRUCTOR               |
|Climbs walls continually |
|Rides the rails          |
|Plays Russian Roulette   |
|Walks on thin ice        |
|Prays a lot              |
---------------------------\
                            \   _______________________________________________
                             \  |GRADUATE STUDENT                             |
                              \ |Runs into buildings                          |
                                |Recognizes locomotives two out of three times|
                                |Is not issued ammunition                     |
                                |Can stay afloat with a life jacket           |
                                |Talks to walls                               |
                                -----------------------------------------------
____________________________________________________                       /
|UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT                             |                      /
|Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings|                     /
|Says "Look at the choo-choo"                      |                    /
|Wets himself with a water pistol                  |                   /
|Plays in mud puddles                              |                  /
|Mumbles to himself                                |                 /
----------------------------------------------------                /
            \                                                      /
             \                                                    /
              \                                                  /
               \                                                /
                \                                              /
                _________________________________________________________
                |DEPARTMENT SECRETARY                                   |
                |Lifts buildings and walks under them                   |
                |Kicks locomotives off the tracks                       |
                |Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them    |
                |Freezes water with a single glance                     |
                |She is God.                                            |
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