TABLE OF CONTENTS

  1. What Is Take A Stand for Kids (T.A.S.K.)? What are our goals and purposes?

  2. Children have basic needs...as a child grows s/he might well say, "As I grow, please...."

  3. Know the Facts About Child Abuse: Sexual, Intellectual, Spiritual, Physical and Emotional

  4. What is Discipline and What Are Some Effective Ways to Disciple Your Child?

  5. Some Things You Can Do to Change the Way You Love

  6. How Can You Get Involved?

  7. How to reach us

  8. Other Available Resources

WHO ARE WE?

Take a Stand for Kids (T.A.S.K.) is a network of people whose purpose is to educate the public about the many faces of child abuse so that this terrible plague may, at last, be ended forever. We are a grassroots movement whose formula for ending child abuse is based on people empowering people from a basis of love and support rather than blame, shame or punishment. T.A.S.K. educates through workshops , lectures and In-Home events which seek to broaden the circle of awareness that what we do to our children was once done to us or a reaction to what was once done to us.

No one wants to abuse a child. Often, we just don't know any better. When we come from an abusive place in ourselves, we are reenacting our own unhealed child abuse. Until we understand it, we cannot stop it. It will go on and on. Our dream is to educate adults to become aware of when child abuse is happening, to be able to recognize child abuse, and to avoid abusing children. When each of us takes the responsibility to educate ourselves and others, child abuse will end...(Click here to return to the table of contents)

CHILDREN'S BASIC NEEDS...

As a child grows, s/he might well say, "as I grow, please....

"Thank you for hearing me, I love you!"


>From audiotape Successful Parenting by Helene Rothschild, M.A., POB 147, Mokelumne Hill, CA 95145
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KNOW THE FACTS:

Child abuse has lifelong effects. An abused child becomes a crippled adult. We have all been abused to some degree as children. It's effects can be crippling. Below are some very common abuses:

Sexual Abuse

Do you remember...being teased about your body, hugged and kisssed when you didn't like it, told inapprorpriate sexual or adult information, put on display, being mommy's little man or daddy's little princess? How did it feel? (Click here for more detailed information about sexual abuse.)

Intellectual Abuse:

Do you remember being told...you're a real loser, you'll never amount to anything, being teased for not gettting it, or being used as a model of perfect? How did you feel? Click here for more information about intellectual abuse.)

Spiritual Abuse

Do you remember a religious counsel taking advantage of your vunerability emotionally or sexually, being told "God will punish you for this", or "You're an evil child?", being told that mom or dad was always right, being given too much or too little spiritual information? How did you feel?Click here for more information about spiritual abuse.)

Physicial Abuse:

Do you remember...being pulled, shoved, or shaken, pulled by the hair, slapped on the face or head, being played with to the point of inducing fear? How did you feel?(Click here if you want more information about physical abuse .)

Emotional Abuse:

Do you remember being told...something didn't happen, "you just imagined it,", being blamed when it wasn't your fault, being told you can't do anything right, "I wish you never were born", or "You'll never be as good as..."? How did you feel?(Click here if you want more information about emotional abuse.)

Alice Miller states that "The child is always innocent." Children learn what parents teach them. Therefore, parents must be careful how they speak to their children because that is the way the children learn to speak to themselves.


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DISCIPLINE AND ALTERNATIVES:

The purpose of discipline - from disciple, a student or follower - is to teach the child to have self-discipline: to develop self-control and orderly conduct. This is never accomplished by physical force. It is imperative that we never discipline a child in anger. As a nation, we continue to abuse our children in the name of discipline. It would seem that if you can make children better children by hitting them or screaming at them, you could make parents better parents by hitting them and screaming at them.

ALTERNATIVES TO DISCIPLINE MISTAKES:

  1. Yelling is soon tuned out. It's better to make calm, reasonable requests or commands.
  2. Demanding immediate compliance, by saying, "Do It right now!," is often ignored by the child. It's better to make a respectful or firm request and praise/reward the good behavior.
  3. Nagging doesn't work. Instead, get the child's complete attention. Then praise/reward the first time responses and impose consequences if the task remains uncompleted.
  4. Lecturing or advice giving is fruitless and tuned out. It's better to ask questions, role play or teach other coping strategies.
  5. Taking out our anger on kids, that is, overreacting and displaying inappropriate anger, is extremely common. It's better to take some time to cool off, offer your kids a heartfelt apology and provide an explanation.
  6. Screaming and belittling causes people to feel small, inadequate, less than. It's better to monitor your language and aim for the positive statements.
  7. Setting traps to catch children in a lie breeds distrust. It's better to make straightforward, trusting inquiries.
  8. Imposing excessive guilt by blaming the child for circumstances or events beyond their control (ie. events in their parents' lives) damages the child. It's better to examine your own relationships and discuss them with other concerned adults.
  9. Coercion is the use of physical force to get a child to do something (ie. pushing or dragging). The child will resist. A more compliant response occurs when the child can make choices and feel a sense of control.
  10. Physical abuse doesn't work. The teaching of self discipline is never taught by physical force.
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SOME THINGS YOU CAN DO TO CHANGE THE WAY YOU LOVE:

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HOW CAN YOU GET INVOLVED?

Timely intervention can make a decisive difference.


Adapted from Pulitzer Prize author Richard Rhodes in his new book A Hole inthe World...An American Boyhood published by Simon and Schuster.

Right now you can reach us at Take A Stand for Kids (T.A.S.K.) by phoning, writing, faxing us or emailing us:

CALL AVAILABLE RESOURCES...


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EMOTIONAL ABUSE is probably the most frequent kind of abuse. It involves verbal abuse, social abuse, and neglect/abandonment of dependency needs. Emotional abuse occurs when the parent refuses to let the child express her/his feelings: shames the child for his/her feelings; demonstrates improper expressions of feelings in front of the child.
SPIRITUAL ABUSE happens when the child has experiences that distort, retard or otherwise interferre with the child's spiritual development. It occurs when a parent demands to be the child's higher power; a parent is addicted to religion; a religious representative (minister, priest, rabbi, deacon, Sunday school teacher, choir director) abuses a child in any way.
NOTE: Instances of becoming the child's higher power include when the parent is disrespectful of the child's reality or demands perfection from the child. The parent becomes the child's higher power when the child is over-controlled, the child is ignored, neglected, or abandoned; the parent does not follow stated family rules or values, or there are shifting rules or hidden rules in the family.[Reference]

INTELLECTUAL ABUSE takes place when the child's thinking is attacked or ridiculed, or the child is not allowed to do her or his own thinking. It is intellectual abuse when parents present themselves to their children as being perfect, having it all together or having no dobuts or uncertainties. It is intellectual abuse when the child is not supported when their thinking differs from the parents' thinking at any point, as when the caretaker is so rigid that there is no room for the child's ideas: when the parent does not teach the child that problems are normal and how to solve them; when parents do not share their own dobuts about their own ideas and beliefs with their children. [Reference]

SEXUAL ABUSE takes place when an adult behaves sexually with a child. It can be either physical, in which there is body contact between the abuser and the child; non-physical, where there is no actual body contact, or emotional.

PHYSICAL ABUSE occurs whenever a caregiver attacks a child's body by beating the child with an object; slapping; pinching; pulling the child's hair or banging his/her head, or tickling a child into hysteria. Physical abuse also occurs when there is a lack of or too much physical nuturing. It is physical abuse when a child's physical dependency needs are not met, i.e., the need for nourishing food, adequate clothing, a safe, clean shelter, and medical/dental treatment. [Reference]

REFERENCE NOTE: The above definitions of child abuse (emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical and sexual abuse) were taken from a lecture by Pia Mellody, R.N., C.A.C., as well as from her book, "Facing Codependence."










Workshops

Lectures

In-Home Events

In-Home Events broaden the circle of awareness that what we do to our children was once done to us. A volunteer host invites family, friends, and neighbors into his or her home. T.A.S.K. provides a "panel" comprised of adults who are recovering from child abuse. All T.A.S.K. panelists are volunteers who have attended one of Janet Hurley's "Claiming Your Childhood History" workshops. They are carefully trained by T.A.S.K. educators to look at their own child abuse issues. They then share these issues at in-home events. A T.A.S.K. facilitator indentifies the many faces of child abuse for those present and then the panelists briefly share what kind of abuse happened to them, and how that abuse affected their lives. They also share what their recovery process was, and how the awareness affects their children. After hearing the panelists, guests are invited, if they wish, to write down issues in their individual lives that they think might have been child abuse. They may, i! f they care to, share with someone else in the room. The whole purpose is to get people to put out their emotions and connect these emotions to their experiences. It's an educational process.